Hastening Heart: THE MISSING FACTOR (Come Join With Us Part II)

[This is part II of the Come Join With Us Series that starts here]

In Come Join with Us, Elder Uchtdorf reviews reasons people don’t join with us--why they leave.

He starts out by saying it’s not because they are lazy, offended or sinful. What a relief!

The ones he covers are:

Unanswered questions or differences of opinion about history and doctrine
Mistakes of imperfect leaders and members, including hypocrisy
Feeling like you don’t fit in
Feeling like you can’t live up to the standards

All of this boils down to something or someone not meeting our expectations.

Uchtdorf explains that God and His doctrine are pure, and whatever doesn’t make sense now will later be resolved to our full satisfaction after Christ comes. He says we are all flawed and need patience and forgiveness with ourselves and each other as we can’t fully live up to our ideals. He says the Church needs uniqueness, so don’t leave if you feel out of place.

My my sweet cousin, married to a church historian, says of her husband, “He knows things that would curl most member’s hair,” but usually that’s not been a huge stumbling block for me. I can always reach out to him when I get a hard question and he has some amazingly thorough answers, considering he knows what JS had for breakfast most mornings, the angle of the sun on a particular day, and about every word the man and everyone around him ever wrote or said. And he doesn't take an apologist approach, but an academic one, which is helpful.

Also, I can accept my own shortcomings and those of leaders and early church members, because I believe in Christ’s love and grace and that he can do His work despite and even sometimes through our failings. And while sometimes I fit in better than others, that has never been a reason for me to go or not to go. I go to find God.

But in general, these are not the reasons why so many of my friends and family have left or are in the process of leaving. Even my own recent resistance to church going, doesn’t seem to be related to these. But it is related to the same idea of expectations. No, the reason for not going (and the reason for my San Francisco Sunday morning tears) wasn’t from the list of complaints—rather, it was in the list of blessings.

If list A (ACTIONS) doesn’t lead to list B (BLESSINGS)—even when you believe in God, want to follow Him, and believe this is His Church—churchgoing becomes empty. But this list of promised blessings isn’t simply a natural result of fervently keeping this list of commitments. The number one reason those I love most leave is:

What's the point?

It's an issue of faith and belief, yes, but also a factor of not feeling the promised payoff.

This is where the well-trained Mormon starts to investigate—I must be sinning somewhere, I must be trying to justify something, it must be the devil, or mental illness, I must be doing something wrong or I would feel those things. Sometimes helpful friends or even people you barely know will gladly speculate on this for you.

I recently heard a woman I greatly admire, say when she had 5 kids under 5 and spent 24 hours a day serving, she said to the Lord, “Service is supposed to make me happy” (ACTIONS are supposed to lead to BLESSINGS). She asked Him: “Tell me, service plus WHAT equals happiness?”

The same question can apply for church going, obedience, sacrifice, any religious act:

ACTION plus WHAT equals BLESSINGS AND HAPPINESS?

WHAT WE HEAR:

DOING GOOD STUFF = HAPPY FEELINGS

ACTIONS = BLESSINGS

REALITY:

DOING GOOD STUFF + ? = HAPPY FEELINGS

ACTION + ? = BLESSINGS

She told us her answer that eventually came, and beautifully, it’s been my answer, too. And maybe you already know. But let’s work our way to it.

Next: PART III: THE DARKNESS

Post by Valerie Wise Christensen.

PART I